Self Sabotage/Fear of Failure/My Faith Journey

My faith journey began at a very young age with not realizing that others didn’t feel the same as I did. “Getting saved” has never really been in my thoughts or vocabulary, it was like I was always “saved.”

Getting Saved-being “born again” through a spiritual awakening likened to a second birth.

And although there are brief moments of doubt for me, I recognize that it’s the devil trying to weasel his way in with the 5 D’s. He is a sneaky one! From one fearing failure to losing confidence, he does his best to create diversions and discourage us.

Doubt- Makes you question God’s work and his goodness

Discouragement- Makes you look at your problems rather than God.

Diversion- Makes the wrong things seem attractive so you will want them more than the right things. Distraction is similar, for example how many notifications do you get on your phone or computer a day that are not that important, that are diverting your attention from what is important? Remove the notifications!

Defeat- Makes you feel like a failure so that you don’t even try. And if you don’t value yourself, who else will?

Delay- Makes you put off doing something so that it never gets done.

Can you think of a specific example for yourself for each of these D’s?

New Level New Devil…

I grew up catholic. We went to church weekly, I made my communion, went to CCD ( the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine was an association established at Rome in 1562 for the purpose of providing religious education. Today CCD refers to a religious education program of the Catholic Church, normally designed for children.) every Wednesday night and ice skating afterwards!

Seemed harmless, but then I started having questions.

• Like why didn’t the priest have a family?

• And why were there so many different types of churches?

• Who said we should eat fish on Fridays?

If there is one God and one bible then isn’t that all you need?

So of course this may ruffle some feathers but as an adult you may know by now that Catholicism was created after the bible. Of course all religions are just a different interpretation of the bible. Even variations of Christianity. I think that should inspire us to read it and interpret it ourselves (with some help from a bible scholar).

The most crucial problem with the Roman Catholic Church is its belief that faith alone in Christ is not sufficient for salvation. The Bible clearly and consistently states that receiving Jesus Christ as Savior, by grace through faith, grants salvation (John 1:12; 3:16,18,36; Acts 16:31; Romans 10:9-10,13; Ephesians 2:8-9).

“That one got me, and in my 20’s the more bible studying I did, the more I realized Catholicism was not for me, but the bible was and I found some further answers with the questions I had as a child.”

Again, this is my story, it’s not a religious battle, I’m not here to pick a fight, but shed some light on my findings…

“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20).

I thought this was ironic since one of my catholic teachers gifted me a mustard seed all those years ago… and NO! I don't think poorly about how I was raised, if anything, I'm very grateful, again... I'm just saying reading the bible and studying it for yourself can go a long way!

The Roman Catholic Church rejects that faith alone is sufficient for salvation. The official position of the Roman Catholic Church is that a person must believe in Jesus Christ AND be baptized AND receive the Eucharist along with the other sacraments AND obey the decrees of the Roman Catholic Church AND perform meritorious works AND not die with any mortal sins AND etc., etc., etc. Catholic divergence from the Bible on this most crucial of issues, salvation, means that yes, Catholicism is a false religion. If a person believes what the Catholic Church officially teaches, he/she will not be saved. Any claim that works or rituals must be added to faith in order for salvation to be achieved is a claim that Jesus’ death was not sufficient to fully purchase our salvation.

And we could keep going on and on as politics have over the years.. But I care not too, just know that I believe in God and the Bible period. Maybe some of the above has changed, maybe new research has been done, again, I’m just telling my story and how confusing religion can be! I’m not dismissing your beliefs whether they be catholic or another religion, I’m simply saying, maybe we need to invest/focus ourselves solely on the bible and God and not worry about all the “fluff” because there is plenty enough to work on with just the overview! I’m also just telling you why I decided to change directions from Catholicism.

As mentioned, I felt God’s presence from a very young age. The holy spirit was with me every step of the way, even when I screwed up! And I screwed up (probably too much, I never felt that fear of failure with pursuing things from a goal standpoint, I felt the FEAR OF FAILURE with not living up to God’s expectations).

I recall visiting the “Large cross in the woods” click here

When I was a child, skipping around joyfully as others wept … asking my mom why are you all crying? This is great! God’s here to help! I was told by teachers they saw a “special light” in me… (it was probably just all the glitter I wore :P)

Fast forward through the years of going from being a catholic, to furthering my education with the bible and calling myself Christian. I was empowered by yet another large cross in the woods as I huffed and puffed my way up the Nueces 50 mile trail. Although I wasn’t there for the adventure camp, it was host to the National 50 Mile Trail Running champs and it was AWESOME!

Shortly after these adventures, I found myself testing God (or maybe it was the devil causing a diversion?) I think I wondered where the boundaries were with his expectations and would the bible dig me out of this hole. I was getting involved with the wrong group of people, abusive boyfriends (yeah me), and hangouts. And like most, I just told God to ignore that part of my life. He could be involved in this and that but NOT THAT! Not long into this process, I had the spiritual wrestling match of a lifetime. I experienced creepy things, mind blowing visions, and blessings. The biggest one, getting me the hell out of there!

Looking back on my shortcomings, specifically that time in my life, it’s funny how I feel I spent so much time begging/praying to God, reading my bible, and STILL managed to keep him out of that part of my life. (Diversion again?) Or so I thought…

I don't feel I haven’t or won’t pay the consequences for my sins, but the one thing I do know is that his GRACE is enough. Enough to get you through anything and ultimately… What else is there to make you feel this way? This feeling of fullness, joy, and life? Those that have been “saved” or feel it too find it hard to put into words as well. Money? Runs out.. People? Die.. Fitness?.. Yes important, but you get old.

Throughout the years of questions, wavering faith, bible studies, disappointment, heartache, and all… I always ask those that question this ancient bible and how it applies to us today with..

What do you have to lose? Read it, study it, feel it and if you don’t then not much is lost… but if you do, then look at how much could be gained! (could your closed mindedness or procrastination really be the devil delaying you?)...

I bet you start glowing the first week of reading it. I bet something stirs in you like it did me long ago, I bet you find some confidence, love and support in a way you have never experienced before!

My faith journey is different from most. There wasn’t a WOW or holy crap moment.. Just a holy moment as a child that I carried with me (tried to run away from it for a bit) yet it always caught up no matter how fast I was or am. I honestly feel lucky. I think if I could sum up in one word how the devil attacks me it’s Diversion. Perhaps God gave me the strength and gifts to battle the others so I can help you with them and you help me with diversion? What’s your main D?

As some of you know, I have encountered several challenges in my lifetime so far. I just had my 7th surgery, I have had a few miscarriages, my boat has taken on storms and battles on a yearly basis. Somehow, I have remained confident that God will get me through. That his plan is FOR me not TO me. That my boat will still float and even though it may not constantly be moving forward, my faith in him, my fight for him, keeps my boat on top of the water. It doesn’t sink from discouragement or get defeated, his word provides the spiritual armor that is needed to battle back.

Perhaps, the red heart bush I saw was my burning bush (Moses)?!

Furthermore, my waves change. Some come crashing down causing me to change directions, while others help push me forward, but the only way I stay afloat is making an intentional and active effort of putting on the armor of God. Remember, NEW LEVEL NEW DEVIL... so don't quit. Don't be discouraged, remind yourself, it's just the devil trying to distract you from the better life God intended you to live!

You can listen more about the creation of SheRUGGED and how the story of Moses/ Fear of failure relates on “THE SHERUGGED PODCAST” this week! Episode #2.

Need some structure in your life with bible study, health and fitness? We’ve got you! Get a taste of our Empowerment program with our 3 month Simply SheRUGGED program. Still the holistic approach but in a small size!

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